Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Other Side

You will forgive me.

I know you will.

I simply need some space.

The wedding, and all its attendant stories...it's just too fresh, too intimate, too close. For here, you know?

I had put so much on hold ("I'm too busy now, I'll do it after the wedding")
It stacked up against me, like the Odds.

And then I got the Odds. Tumbling down on top of me. (and everyone near me).

That to-do list grew teeth and a long, scaly tail. It lashed me.

Having so dutifully trained myself in the art of saying Yes, it seemed I had caught it like a swiney fever.

Tamara, will you supervise extra students?
Tamara, will you re-write this course for us?
By Friday?
(fool! you can't do that!) spake the sense voice. But sense-voice was in brackets. And smaller font.
Tamara, remember that proposal you promised us...
Can we have it this week?
Tamara, we start rehearsing our Grahamstown play this week, you know that don't you?

And - no-one warned me. That somehow, post-wedding, hubby and I would not so much wallow in blissful marital tranquillity as take the opportunity to Sort Through Our Issues. Once and for all. At high volume. Well, at least the passion is still there after 13 years of cohabitation. Of course, he had his reasons. (see above). Sense-voice outsourced itself to someone who cares. Sjoe, but a girl can hang on to her old issues if she tries, ne? And fight for them! Anyway, its over now, and peace has returned to the valley.

Baby steps, and I have managed to
a) clear the decks
b) remind myself of The Power of No (apologies to Mr Tolle)
c) forgive myself for not having sorted through over 1000 wedding photos
d) forgive myself for not having written up all the wedding anecdotes in champagne-witty prose
e) go to another friend's wedding in the Eastern Cape (a lekker skop it was too)
f) start the script for a certain extremely exciting project... a production called Paydirt. It's about being a Joburger. It premieres in Grahamstown at the National Festival of the Arts in a month. And we are blogging the whole thing here. Woooohooooooooo!!!

I'm back. Wedding stories must wait, I just can't put them here now, not yet. I need Distance. I need Assimilation. I know you understand. I just know it.

I am trying to learn something you see. I am trying to take things one at a time. I am trying to learn that the ability to multi-task is not equivalent to worthiness.

Oh look. Now I've gone and burned the supper.


macjanet said...

T, you are so funny.
"the ability to multi-task is not equivalent to worthiness" is one of the great, great wisdoms. HH Dalai Lama would be very proud of you. But it takes practise, and your list of immediate 'to dos' leaves me quite breathless.
And of course we forgive you.
You, my dear, must forgive yourself.
Fantastic post.
much love

Angela said...

Tammy dear, don`t worry about us. We understand!

Chimera said...

Funny desperate pant of a post me dear! Deep breaths all round and it was bound to happen thus and its only been a couple of weeks and you are not superhuman (though superduper bien sur)
Your writing still searingly sweet and tender and we wait for dust to settle!
T xx

karen said...

I hear you... and I am in about the same state right now!! just keep your head above water and worry about blogging later.. take care x

tam said...

Thanks dear ones! Haha. A desperate pant of a post indeed.

Actually, its very good for my headweather to stop off here. And I shall. I just couldn't bring myself to write wedding stories. Yet.

Shiny said...

Ah, yes, that little word. Yes, the yes one. Can get us into so many fixes. We have much patience though, us here, there are no deadlines in this space. Part of what makes it such a comfy little spot. And, what fun! A play! Yippeee! x

Janelle said...

phew skattie...sounds HECTIC my china....yes yes.just Say No..basi...and soon your sister will be there to have her baby! love ya xxx j