Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Out of Office Autoreplies

My dear friend JC (you know who you are) recently introduced me to McSweeneys, that fantastic writing project/community, with their breathstopping beautiful periodical books. Where have they been all my life? In their own words,

"McSweeney's Quarterly Concern publishes on a roughly quarterly schedule, and we try to make each issue very different from the last. One issue came in a box, one was Icelandic, and one looks like a pile of mail. In all, we give you groundbreaking fiction and much more."

Straying from my task of hammering out a script ( I loathe writing to deadline it makes me cross and rebellious), I wandered onto the site and found these out of office autoreplies. by Jim Stallard.

I love them. And what a cunning and elegant way to disappear for a while, which is precisely where my fantasies have been this morning.

Let's see...
I will be at my desk from 5pm until 6pm daily, while you are stuck in traffic.

I will be out of the office until September when the weather improves. Please direct urgent enquiries to my therapist.

Students, I will not be responding to any more emails this month. I have already invoiced for the hours we spent together.

I will be out of the office indefinately until I become a successful fiction writer.

I have forsworn email, blogging, twittering and facebooking until further notice. Its a bet I have with my husband and a lot of money is at stake. Please don't tempt me.

I will be spending this week at the bottom of a well in the hope it makes me as good a writer as Murakami. You may send small folded paper aeroplanes down but please only do it at midday. Food parcels also welcome.

I will be by the bear cage at Joburg zoo for the remainder of this week. No sudden movements.

What's your out of office autoreply this week?


macjanet said...

I am out of the office until September 31.

Janelle said...

i am out of office and am never coming back...or something like that...! hey..HOW IS MO?? she been very quiet. tell her to flipping send me news man! xxx j

Miranda said...

I am about to have a baby and will be unreachable for the next 18 years. If you would like to try and contact me, however, I probably won't be sleeping for the next year or so, so by all means try. Please forgive me if I forget who you are or that you came to visit.

karen said...

haha! lovely.. i will have to think of one but for now.. go on over to my blog, you have been "splashed"!

Lori ann said...

Dear Tam,Haha! i've never used one, I always forget to turn it on.

Ah Miranda, if you are reading this its not always this way...you'll be even more productive because you'll be more creative with your time. Babies are the ultimate time management teachers!
so soon now?!!

Shiny said...

I am actually in the office. I'm just pretending not to be. I have more interesting things to do than answer boring work e-mails. If this is not a boring work e-mail, you'll be getting a reply from me in a moment xx

Reya Mellicker said...

Oh! You're still dropping in here to say hello. Y A Y !!!

I am out of the office until I can clear my energy field of all these extraneous limbs.

That would shut them up, wouldn't it?

macjanet said...

I am out of the office until the roar of vuvuzelas in my head diminishes to a distant memory.

tam said...

YES Reya! How could I not? Hello!

HAHAHA Janet! or, the vuvuzela blowers stole my phone and I have rather enjoyed being without it. I embark on a cell(f)less journey into the desert.. or something like that.

Ja whatever.

Bizzy. Baksoon.