Monday, May 3, 2010

Underground

At first, the words dried up completely. Or I thought they had.

Two pink lines in a tiny window on a plastic stick splattered with wee. Watching them darken.

Nodding. Smiling. Not telling.

I'm an iceberg now. If an iceberg can have a molten centre. The bit everyone can see is still sticking upright into the world, trying to get stuff done. Teaching, driving, shopping, organising painters, paying bills, organising actors to travel from Zambia to Cape Town for a festival, taking sick cat to and from the vet. But underneath, this growing bulk, still invisible to the untrained eye. A creeping, cumulative other consciousness that even I'm barely able to access, let alone share.

No, the words didn't dry up. Or freeze. They just went underground. Banking down into the earth, rooting, delving. Seeking some other place of renewal that I won't see or understand til they filter up again.

And until then I'm a sporadic blogger.

6 comments:

Mud in the City said...

What news! Wonderful!
x

Miranda said...

So excited Tam. My words dried up too for a while when I was growing a being inside me (eek, sounds like Alien!), hope they come back soon. xxxx

Angela said...

My lovely niecy, you two will get accustomed to each other, just wait! No matter how many times this miracle has happened, it is still a miracle, and it is appropriate to welcome it in silence and awe. But not long, and you will start communicating, and then you will both enjoy this time of expectation.
Don`t worry, all will be easy and well. A new little cousin, to enlargen the crowd! How lovely!

Val said...

ah Tam - just enjoy it all. Take us with you if you can.
it is exciting stuff! take good care of yourself xx

Shiny said...

Sporadic I can manage, just not gone completely. What exciting, wonderful stuff. Yippeeeeeeee xx

tam said...

Thanks Mud, it is wonderful and weird and the time is going sooo fast already!
Mo, I think they are coming back slowly, now I just need the time...
Thanks Aunty Angela! I'm not worried, just trying to give myself the space to honour the changes.
Val, I'm thinking of a separate blog for the prganancy safari.
Shiny - sometimes I consider pulling the plug, because I feel I have nothing to say that makes any difference, but other days I remember i have rather a lot to say. Not going away yet... but I rely on the likes of you to nudge me when things get boring...
xx