Rubble

Gosh how time legs it when the walls around you are tumbling down. Quite a couple of weeks, eh? Much has been blogged already I'm sure on the fallout and impending fallout of finance world as its tottering legs give way underneath it all.

Here in the South we've had our own fireworks and drama - presidents being 'released' from duty, ministers resigning from cabinet en mass, the ANC haemorraging members (oh dear how do you spell that there's an H in there somewhere..) As someone who considers herself a dual citizen of both Zambia and South Africa - heck, what's with all the president loss lately?

In the meantime, I've had my own mini Jericho as the impenetrable wall of two posts ago has finally come crumbling and tumbling down with an almighty roar. Well, actually if there was a roar I didn't hear it. I had the sound turned down. I was looking at it through yellow spectacles and all I noticed was that suddenly there were birds going about their business, plump with spring pickings. Cats groomed themselves on stone steps without paying me any mind. The world does not depend on me to hold its strings together. Isn't it funny how we get ourselves into headlocks where your own perspective becomes so choking, so dominant, you feel your own role in the events around you overly bloody important. And then - a certain breath, a shift in perspective. aaah, the relief when ego just subsides and the terror of a deadline that could not, would not be met suddenly loses its power.

No, I haven't finished this job, but its lost its beastliness. I am back in control. I relax my brain and allow myself to enjoy it. At bloody last. No, I didn't do this on my own. I have a clever friend who does some marginal therapy called holographic repatterning and it works for me every time. Like taking your computer in to the nerds to have it cleaned up. I no longer have evil little pop-up windows that tell me how unworthy I am, how unsuited to the task at hand and how DOOOMED to fail. Yep, I turned the volume down and watched those bricks fall. Now I gotta whole lot of scattered rubble and the sweet task of arrnging it all to make a pretty path to freedom. Whew. Until I do, I will be scarce here. Because I am focused. Not distracted, not swallowed by black boxes or beating my fists raw on powdery concrete. Shudder.

See you on the other side.


Oh! I almost forgot. Notebook extract of the day:
"Notes from a forum on audience development. Circa April 2000.
Man from Lovedale: Should we not be introspective rather than blaming audiences? Film & TV make people lazy. We are their ancestors. We should take them on. The way in which we have been trained as artists does not filter down to the grassroots. We are a diverse society. Need for common ground in productions. Economic restraints are used as excuse for people not to come to the theatre. What techniques/ aesthetics can we steal from other disciplines...eg. cricket - seating."

toodlooo.