Thursday, September 25, 2008


Gosh how time legs it when the walls around you are tumbling down. Quite a couple of weeks, eh? Much has been blogged already I'm sure on the fallout and impending fallout of finance world as its tottering legs give way underneath it all.

Here in the South we've had our own fireworks and drama - presidents being 'released' from duty, ministers resigning from cabinet en mass, the ANC haemorraging members (oh dear how do you spell that there's an H in there somewhere..) As someone who considers herself a dual citizen of both Zambia and South Africa - heck, what's with all the president loss lately?

In the meantime, I've had my own mini Jericho as the impenetrable wall of two posts ago has finally come crumbling and tumbling down with an almighty roar. Well, actually if there was a roar I didn't hear it. I had the sound turned down. I was looking at it through yellow spectacles and all I noticed was that suddenly there were birds going about their business, plump with spring pickings. Cats groomed themselves on stone steps without paying me any mind. The world does not depend on me to hold its strings together. Isn't it funny how we get ourselves into headlocks where your own perspective becomes so choking, so dominant, you feel your own role in the events around you overly bloody important. And then - a certain breath, a shift in perspective. aaah, the relief when ego just subsides and the terror of a deadline that could not, would not be met suddenly loses its power.

No, I haven't finished this job, but its lost its beastliness. I am back in control. I relax my brain and allow myself to enjoy it. At bloody last. No, I didn't do this on my own. I have a clever friend who does some marginal therapy called holographic repatterning and it works for me every time. Like taking your computer in to the nerds to have it cleaned up. I no longer have evil little pop-up windows that tell me how unworthy I am, how unsuited to the task at hand and how DOOOMED to fail. Yep, I turned the volume down and watched those bricks fall. Now I gotta whole lot of scattered rubble and the sweet task of arrnging it all to make a pretty path to freedom. Whew. Until I do, I will be scarce here. Because I am focused. Not distracted, not swallowed by black boxes or beating my fists raw on powdery concrete. Shudder.

See you on the other side.

Oh! I almost forgot. Notebook extract of the day:
"Notes from a forum on audience development. Circa April 2000.
Man from Lovedale: Should we not be introspective rather than blaming audiences? Film & TV make people lazy. We are their ancestors. We should take them on. The way in which we have been trained as artists does not filter down to the grassroots. We are a diverse society. Need for common ground in productions. Economic restraints are used as excuse for people not to come to the theatre. What techniques/ aesthetics can we steal from other cricket - seating."



tam said...

haemorrhage. haemorrhage. good grief.

Reya Mellicker said...

Yesterday I noticed berries forming on the trees all over my neighborhood, apparently oblivious to the threats coming from the people in charge of my country.

Squirrels are getting their nests together in preparation for winter.

My dog Jake could give a rat's ass about the financial climate. He just wants to go for a walk before the tropical storm arrives later this afternoon.

In the U.S. we have been convinced that we are impoverished unless we weigh ourselves down with as much stuff as possible. It's so sad, because - as you said, we're so rich in imagination and cleverness, we have so much love and creativity within us. Who needs the stuff??

Glad you are free of the terrible fear of deadlines.

As for presidencies - here or there - I think the idea is good but the reality is that it always seems to be such a terrible job. Hardly anyone is any good at it.

Angela said...

What is holographic repatterning?
Never heard, has it got to do with aura healing? I`m glad you got that, no matter what it is exactly. You sound a lot better, my dearie!

Val said...

woohoo Tam that sounds amazing! yay- so glad you got over that hurdle.
and what is going on with these presidents today??
great post xx

Steve said...

Tam: Thanks for stopping by! I've visited both SA and Zambia, so I know a bit of your part of the world, and love it! I'll keep an eye on your blog henceforth. I especially like the photos of the woman in the pagne by Lake Malawi -- the textiles in Africa are quite amazing. (And sometimes appalling!)

Janelle said...

hey darlin'! wonderful writing you mos one of those clever ones, hey? and glad that horrible wall fell down. sheesh. oh miss you darling. and that post of mo's also made me just wanna go home. sigh sigh. LOVE janelle

Fred said...

The Black Box travel agency sent me here. I enjoyed my visit!

tam said...

Thanks all. Reya I do hope you're feeling better.
Angela, holographical repatterning - its an interesting process, based on muscle testing (like kinesiology I guess) - an intricate system of lists and the therapist checks your body response to various statements including ones you come up with yourself, to get to the bottom of the trouble. I'm not explaining it very well. Its always worked really well with me, but maybe just coz Natascha is so good at it.
Janelle - you are far too kind.
Steve, thanks and welcome.
Fred - enjoy your travels!