its the mountain, mama

Have you noticed how some people always need an alibi to excuse the work they have done?
"I'm sorry its all I could manage - there's so much going on at the moment"
"I'm really not coping at the moment - i should have spent more time on this - please understand..."
"I'm afraid I haven't quite cracked it, but...take a look and, of course I can make any changes..."
the implication always being that the work done is not quite up to scratch. that it could've been better, if not for x, y and z. which all conspired to keep you from your best.
hmm. Some people.
Why can't the work just be what it is - you did what you could with the circumstances being what they are. It might withstand criticism, it might improve with a bit of tweaking - but its the best you did and that is simply good enough.
some people, i tell you.
like the ones who say "i hardly touched my books" before the exam but they always get a first class pass anyway.
or the actress who says, "oh no, you weren't at last night's show were you? I was so off last night."
eish. those people.
What does it really signify though, the alibi? that everything you ever do is not perfect, that if it wasn't for circumstances you would just be so much better, at everything. life gets in the way of perfection. so you can never just be - good enough. but isn't there an inverted arrogance in this?
isn't the implication - "i'm actually much better than this, just that you are not getting to see it [right now, because of x, y and z]".
huh. some people.
I don't consider myself a designer anymore. its been at least 3 years since my last professional job. I'm rusty. my drawings are as stiff as my neglected hamstrings. I'm feeling so damn full of self questioning and "i could've but..." I don't trust myself to make the right decisions on this job. Quite honestly, I'd rather be doing things I do better.

But I do have an alibi. It's cape town. Its that damn mountain. I casually mentioned that since I stepped off the plane I got a couple of notches stupider, and my brain feels like its got a hazy fuzz around it. Like i forgot to eat lunch. That feeling. The one that makes you drive like a doos and not be able to do simple arithmetic. or spell it, for that matter. The cousin says its a known phenomenon and that when she goes to Joburg she's definitely more switched on. That the mountain's magnetism keeps everyone slightly fuzzy.

There you go. that's why.
Normally i would do a very good design job. you know, back in my day i was quite a hotshot. i made killer sets. I used to get all the jobs in Grahamstown, you know, back when i was the er, only designer there. If it wasn't for this damn mountain and the fact that i'm so rusty, i would kick this job's ass. I would.
It's just that -
Eish, I tell you. Some people.